How to make cold fusion theory

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We thought about this all wrong.  You don't need to bombard an atom with protons and neutrons to make it grow.  All you have to do is provide it with extra electrons.  When you really give an atom more electrons what happens is it melts. The atom will pull another atom's nucleus into it to share the electrons.  Think of an electron cloud as a fence and the protons and neutrons in the nucleus as cows.  If you enlarge the pasture (make the fence bigger by adding more electrons) then the other nearby pastures will combine into 1 and all your cows will be together.  This is how cold fusion works.  You don't shoot cows at the fence (nuclear bombardment) if you are smart.  You simply open and enlarge the fences to encompass your neighbors cows.  This is what cold fusion is.  The melting of nearby atoms into one.

Now this sounds hunky-dory and peaceful.  And it is for the most part but these atoms could create unstable versions when they combine and could possibly release radiation in order to stabilize.  So be careful and make sure the contraption is underground so gamma rays or alpha/beta particles don't do damage to you.  We are doing nuclear chemistry after all.

You can't use metals for this.  Metals are way too conductive and instead of electrons sticking to them it will flow right through and nothing will happen.  We need oxides.

Now I don't claim to have it all figured out, this is just the beginning of the research.  But in order to make gold we need quartz (silicon dioxide) and hematite (fe2o3).  I believe its the hematite that transforms into gold but for some reason quartz seems to be needed. 

Anyway what we need is a STRONG source of electrons.  Or maybe just a superconducting pathway between the silicon dioxide and hematite.  Nature uses H2S and H2Te.  At the temperatures and pressures underground these gasses can be superconducting when they are rapidly cooled and depressurized.  This happens in an earthquake.  As the superconducting h2s (or better yet h2te) rush by the quartz and hematite maybe  electrons are siphoned from the quartz and given to the hematite, or maybe the quartz isn't needed and the superconducting sulfide gas just melts the hematite on its own into gold.  In any case the hematite gains extra electrons and the atoms of hematite melt together into gold.  Like I said there are probably neutrons/protons/gamma rays lost so be very careful if trying experimentation.

The element to the left of iron on the periodic table (manganese) may react in the same way as iron but instead of producing gold, may produce the element to the left of gold, platinum.  And maybe  the elements to the left (and/or right) of those too do the same thing and so on.

Microwaves and light and electricity are also sources of electrons so may also work but it would be much more difficult to achieve than with superconducting sulfide gas.

One method to make sulfide gas superconducting at room temperature may be to turn it into a plasma in something like a halogen light bulb.  Have a hematite electrode(s) and conduct electricity through the sulfide gas and maybe gold will form.  Or do it the old fashioned way and pressurize/heat sulfide gas and rapidly depressurize and chill it through hematite/quartz mix and see if gold forms.  Be very careful not only could the gold produced let off gamma rays but also hydrogen sulfide gas is deadly!  So don't do this without really knowing what you are doing!